Azher Rubbani — founder of StillDad, bereaved father and guide

You don’t have to choose: supporter or griever.

November 10, 20254 min read

If you’re a dad who lost your baby in childbirth, this is for you.

You keep moving when the world stops. You hold your partner when the waves come, then you stack the day with tasks so your mind doesn’t wander. People say you’re solid. Inside, you’re tired in a way sleep doesn’t fix. I know that place. I remember packing my days so I wouldn’t think. I looked “fine,” but the load sat on my chest like a brick.

Here’s the quiet truth: your grief isn’t a threat to your strength, it’s proof of your love.

My story: why I went quiet after our baby’s death (and what changed)

With the right blog, you can drive traffic to your site consistently. A blog is also a great way to generate sales. If people visit your blog and sign up for your email newsletter or download a resource that you’ve put out there, they become potential customers or clients of your business. Blogs are a great way to get people engaged with your brand.

What nudged me forward wasn’t a grand moment. One of my boys used to write letters when words were hard to say. That simple act, letters instead of talking stayed with me. It nudged me to keep a few pieces and journals of my own over the years. Those small pages didn’t fix anything, but they gave my feelings a shape. Much later, when the grief resurfaced, I could finally see it clearly: writing had helped me live with my grief and recognise its return. That’s when I remembered a promise I’d made to do something in Hashim’s memory and the 5-Step Letter Journey was born.

Image of Pen and Paper — Writing a Letter

Strength, I learned, isn’t the absence of feeling; it’s the courage to feel without drowning. You don’t have to choose between being the man who holds the family together and the father who lost a child. You are both. You always were.

Why writing, not talking helps a grieving dad after baby loss

How it works: private, 10-minute letters at your pace

If talking feels like too much right now, write instead. Write to yourself. To your baby. To the part of you that still stands guard at the door. A few honest lines are enough. The load doesn’t vanish, but it moves. From your chest to a page you can fold up, keep close, or set down. And, when you’re ready, you can choose one sentence to share with your partner. That one sentence can be a small bridge back to each other.

Benefits you’ll feel: relief with clarity, a bridge to your partner, quiet continuity

And this is why the letters matter: they give you relief with clarity, the chaos isn’t just in your head anymore, it’s shaped in your words so you can breathe. They open a gentle bridge to your partner. You choose one safe sentence to share when you’re ready, without pressure or performance. And they build quiet continuity, small private pages you can return to on hard days and anniversaries, so you don’t ‘move on,’ you move with your grief, at your pace.

What the 5-Step StillDad Letter Journey is

Is this a fit for you? (gentle, non-therapy, sharing optional)

What I guide now is simple and private: five short letters you write for yourself, no spotlight, no pressure, sharing optional. You name what happened, say what you want, lean on the right people, choose one tiny next step, and honour your baby with words that last. Do it in your own space, in your own time.

Partners Healing Together After Grief

Start here: free 15-minute taster video - watch in private, no camera

And if you want to feel how this works quietly, safely, on your terms, come sit with me for a moment. Click HERE and you’ll land on a simple page; pop in your first name and email and you’ll go straight to a free 15-minute taster video. Watch in private. No camera, no sharing, no speaking required. Just you, a pen, a notebook, and a few guided minutes to put a little of the load down and find one honest sentence you can carry or share if you want. At the bottom of that page, if it feels right, add your name to the waiting list for the pilot 5-Step StillDad Letter Journey. I’ll be there inside the taster to guide you, one small step at a time.

>> Free 15-Minute Letter Journey Taster <<


Safety note and support resources

If at any point you feel unsafe or overwhelmed, please reach out to local support or emergency services. Because your safety matters.

Azher Rubbani is a bereaved father and the founder of StillDad. He creates gentle, male-focused spaces, the 5-Step Letter Journey series, blogs and other supporting resources, so dads can be seen, heard, and honour their child with words. His writing is simple, steady, and practical, drawn from lived experience.

Azher Rubbani

Azher Rubbani is a bereaved father and the founder of StillDad. He creates gentle, male-focused spaces, the 5-Step Letter Journey series, blogs and other supporting resources, so dads can be seen, heard, and honour their child with words. His writing is simple, steady, and practical, drawn from lived experience.

Instagram logo icon
Youtube logo icon
Back to Blog